I haven't updated my journal in a long time, sorry.

I finally get it.
It's in my name.
I know where I'm going now.
I was trying to be something I wasn't,
and kinda fucked up a bit.
Fell down the stairs,
you know?
Where I'm at at the moment is in limbo.
I know where I should be,
but don't know how to get there;
or rather,
don't know if I want to get there.
It's confusing.
I hate being a teenager.
Grah.
Not young enough to be a kid,
not old enough to be an adult.
It's a pretty shit age, but hey...
these are supposed to be the best days of our lives?
Well,
I wish my parents had heard that one.
They're complete twat-heads.
To hell with the both of them.
I'll see them there later.

I've brushed death already twice this past week.
It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be.
I was nearly willing,
in my head,
for the bus to roll down the valley into nothingness.
Idk.
Maybe something's wrong with me.
Maybe not.
Idk.
All I know,
is I have some fake friends,
some part-time friends,
and some real friends.
I don't know where these real friends are,
though.
Fuck.
Not cool.

Time should stop.
People should stop,
and listen,
hold their breath until they know what's right,
and what's wrong.
Stop worrying by themselves,
and share their thoughts.
I know it sounds cliche,
but we should live as if it's our last day on earth.
Because if we're always putting things off,
or waiting to celebrate,
it just creates a mess.
I've created a mess.
A huge fucking mess of myself.

Maybe I'm insane.
Maybe I'm paranoid.
Maybe I really am going to die soon.
Idk.
Maybe I'm not afraid of death anymore.
Maybe I'm pissed off because I have no say in my life anymore.
Not when I'm at home.
Maybe I need to get off my lazy arse,
get a job,
and move far far away.
Where no one can touch me.
And where I can touch no one.
Maybe I need a holiday.
Maybe I need to learn to love again.
Maybe I'm just so incredibly confused right now,
that all this hate that's been building up inside of me,
is going to collapse in on me,
and hurt everyone.
Maybe not.